This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one…
Customer: Hi, this is Celine … I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute. I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk…
Tech support: ; Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello.. I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on ‘start’ for me and….
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates..
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it
says ‘Can’t find printer’ I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the
monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it.
Customer: I have problems printing in red..
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.
Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: ! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah that one does work..
Tech support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little
circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man
sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working
Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
“My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.”
“A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation….”
“The computer allows you to make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.”
RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user
And last but not least…
Tech support: ‘Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter
‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!